ÖWhy Won’t You Put Me First? (I’ve Got It All Figured Out)

If you have been having a couple weeks where you:

  • End up crying on the floor cause the pain hurts too much
  • Asking God “why?” a lot or more than usual
  • And you start out good but then as time passes it all slowly creeps up on you till you feel like you & your heart is breaking in half

Then fear not friend, I have something to tell you: I’ve been going through the same struggle to.

Recently, I have been stressing out about life, being a good friend, being a good girlfriend, looking a certain way, making sure my body is shape to go to the beach, trying to prepare/not freak out about taking my ACT & GED (I was homeschooled so to get a diploma that the universities & colleges will accept, I have to go for my GED). Day & night these things that scare the heck out of me are roaming and taking up space in my head. And honestly I’m disappointed in myself.

I know most verses that can comfort me. I know the lines & words to hold onto & say over myself. I know almost everything you could possibly tell me to encourage me, but yet, it’s not helping me. Why? Because I have done something that many of us struggle with, I have taken my eyes off Jesus.

We’ve all been there. You start off really good. You read your Bible everyday. You pray more. Talk to God more. You think “how could anyone go without it?” But then a busy day comes along & it wrecks it. You think “oh just for today, tomorrow will be better.” Then tomorrow comes, and then the next few weeks, and suddenly everything has fallen apart. And you are left questioning: how did I get here?

The answer is this: a relationship with God is like any other relationship, you have to work at it. But with this one, if you don’t work on it & keep it up, it all will go down. And also with this one, God will multiply what you bring.

Now I know some of you are depressed, are medically diagnosed with mental health problems (I applaud for being alive never forget God has a purpose for life & you will make a difference & be happy with your life one day. But you have to give your life to God. Keep on reading for more), etc, and you may be saying “it hasn’t helped, and it’s not fair.” Well dear friend, I know it’s not fair. I know it’s hard. I know you want to give up. I know you are asking God why. But listen to me: in time, it will get better. It’s not over yet. Keep on running the race until the Kingdom comes. I know you can do it, because I know who you are & I know what title you hold: you are a Child of God! You are a Child of God & nothing is impossible for/with God. You can do everything through Christ who gives you strength. You can do this. I believe in you, just hang on. I’ll be praying for you.

I have learned two things: 

  1. A painful question you have to ask yourself sometimes “when will I put God first?” Because honestly, that’s when it all goes south. Is we take our eyes off of Him & stop putting Him first.
  2. Jesus has it all figured out. 

Like I stated earlier, I have been having a few bad weeks. Just then I think I’m about to get air & stop drowning, another wave comes.

“I drown when I’m not focusing & lookin to my God for help.”

So how do we fix this? We rearrange things. We put God first. We move everything until God is at the top & we have to try our hardest to maintain it. But we’re not alone, and we don’t do all the work. God is in control of it all and He is invested into the relationship you two have with each other. He made the first move remember? I promise if you put God first & keep your eyes on Him everything else falls into perfect place.

No matter what you are stressing over, Jesus has got it covered and you will make it out of this alive. Trust in Him, He knows the way.

Xoxo 💜


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