I’m In The Flicker

Couple of weeks back, I was going through my lovely dry season. (PSA: dry seasons bring about the best lessons or harvest. Once the season is over so many things are revealed to you.) It was hard for me because I never have been in a spiritual drought, that bad before. I had had a bad morning and basically whole day. So I decide to go and take a shower so I cry as loud as I want to and no one will hear.

I gather my things and head into the bathroom talking to God when everything in me wants to just shut Him out and scream He does not care anymore. I get into the shower and I cry out in the deepest part of my heart, “I don’t understand this. I can’t feel You anymore. What did I do? Why can’t I hear Your Voice anymore? Why won’t You speak to me?” Then the light in my bathroom starts to flicker and I’m thinking “Oh God please no. Don’t shut off the electricity. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset or offend You. Forgive me.” But I hear the tiniest whisper say to me “I’m in the flicker.”

I’m in the Flicker? What is that even supposed to mean? The Flicker? What? I was left totally confused then it hit me what He was meaning, “I am in the little things.” Now I wish back then, that all the stuff would have hit my brain and made sense. I wish I had my heart and mind wide open and understand that He planted the seed of answers to all my questions. That what my mom, mamaw and boyfriend had been telling me, planting the seeds into me, would have just exploding and bloomed and I would have understood it all. It would have made sense. But that’s just now how my human mind works, now is it? It didn’t hit me and finally make sense until last night when I was FaceTiming my boyfriend.

So after I come to the realization that He was telling me He’s in the little things. That comforts me. And I can’t wait to share it with Jim. And YAY He spoke to me again! But that quickly faded. The excitement and everything else. So here comes me wallowing and whining about my drought.

The end of my drought ended about Thursday of last week and the whole point of what God taught through it was this:

  • God is bigger than anything I’ll face. No matter how bad it gets.
  • I can believe in Him and remain safe. He’ll never leave me and even if He doesn’t do things how I thought He would, He’ll still be faithful to His Promises.
  • He is in the simple things.

The whole problem with my drought, however started back in January. Somehow I had gotten into a conversation about worship, and someone was talking about how they worshiped and how it was different from how their S/O worshipped. So then it gets me to thinking about how worship. Am I worshipping wrong? Should I be louder? Quieter? What am I doing wrong? How they talk about how they feel God is different from how I feel Him. What is going on?

As you can see, Satan used an innocent conversation and turned into attacking my safe place with God.

I would like to say that I did the logical thing and went on and forgot about what I was feeling and pressing on into Jesus. But I didn’t. I slowly stopped believing as much in God. I slowly stated hardening my heart. And when I realized what was going on, fear and doubt caught me hard. I still prayed and tried to get close, but it still felt like I couldn’t somehow make it there.

I went on up until two weeks ago, holding onto everything and not letting God have it. I tried to fix situations and make plans to make it all better. But it all just made it way worse and made it messier. So I finally broke down cry my heart out to God, out loud, at 2 AM. I laid it all at His feet. Now it automatically didn’t get better, but I could breathe and feel Him again. I was on the road to finding the rain that would soak my soul in hope again.

Fast forward to last night and I finally understand what everyone was saying. The seeds that had been planted in me made sense. It all aligned and sounded like this:

“Slow down. Don’t miss what Jesus wants to show you. Have faith, for this season won’t last forever, and however long it lasts depends upon how big your faith can be and get. It’s okay to fall, but don’t stay down. Believe again, God is bigger than the situations you’ll go through, He won’t leave you there. He loves you too much. Jesus is in the simple things. Don’t forget how simple it is to please Jesus. He loves when you sing to Him and about Him. He loves when you pray to Him, when you talk to Him. When you just spend time with Him. He is in love with you. He made it simple for you. He’s in the flicker. He’s the simple things. Jesus is simple, don’t make Him out to be something hard to get to. He made it simple. He’s in the simple things.”

I really just wanted to share this with y’all! Jesus is in the flicker. God is bigger than your situations. He won’t leave you alone He loves you too much. Your dry season won’t last forever, but how long it lasts, depends upon your faith. Believe again. It’s simple. Jesus is in the simple things.

—U.C // XO // 💙

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